The Great Unknowns
I don’t know why when I opened up this blog I was shocked to see in the flyer the word “unknown” in multiple places. The typos stood out. How, I wondered, would I be able to get those fixed? It has been probably nine years since I got a graphic designer to create the flyer. […]
Tethered
People who have died and come back to life describe the sensation of hovering above their own bodies as if they were rigged to a fly system up in the corner of the room. As if they were leaving this world as Peter Pans or Tinkerbells. Weirdly, that was the same feeling I got when […]
Writing My Truth
I recently reread “Truth and Beauty: A Friendship” by Ann Patchett, the story of her complicated and profound relationship with Lucy Grealy. When I picked it up, I had only meant to peruse the cover. I am in full revision mode after sending the first draft of my manuscript, tentatively titled “This Is Not A […]
The Drill
It’s inspiration that counts, not the drill.” ~ Hugo Ball Every year on Patty’s birthday I check in with the SFPD cold case division, specifically with Daniel Cunningham. Last I heard he was working only on Mondays since he retired. So, the Monday after Patty’s birth date I rang him. The voice mail message I […]
Searching for Sarah
2/12/22 I am working right off Central and Indiana, blocks from the epicenter of The War Zone. One of the first things I notice about the people who populate this neighborhood is that young or old, everyone’s gait resembles someone who is dragging their body around like a heavy sack. And everyone is hunched over, […]
DIARY, February 17, 2017
Natalie Goldberg in her book on memoir “The Long Road Home” said that the difference between passion and obsession was that obsession was painful. I sorted through the materials I’d collected into my Scrivener binder. I glanced at the picture of Stephen Gilmore I pulled off Facebook. Stephen was Patty Vance’s first boyfriend; he was my […]
A Bad Omen?
A few days ago I had a dream that opened up on the Vance’s back yard. A youthful Mary Vance beckoned me to the far edge of the property. “Come this way. We’ve built two in-ground pools,” she said. She had an effusive, friendly tone in her voice like a real estate agent eager for […]
Girl in Trouble
It was the summer of my undoing, and San Francisco had lost its never-never land appeal for me once and for all. The year was 1980, the year John Lennon was gunned down on the sidewalk outside The Dakota. The smart Beatle was gone forever. Mourning was in the air. It was also the year […]
A Day in The Life
Trouble maker. Those were the very words all my former friends’ parents used to describe me. My teens had just begun when I’d managed to push everyone away who cared about me. I had people that were like second families. They’d as good as disowned me. So, when Patty and I met, I attached myself […]
Life Expectancy
Human beings have invented the tools to completely exterminate themselves — Sigmund Freud. I was thinking about the expression “death wish” recently. As early as 1930 Freud coined the impulse thanatos, after the god known primarily for being outwitted by Sisyphus. Thanatos repeatedly sought extreme danger; he harbored a general wish (some said instinct) for […]